Night Watch, Part 13

As David lay staring at the ceiling of the living room he had to admit he did experience the sensation of something seeping from him, like stress or anxiety or tension, oozing out of his pores and collecting on the floor. There was something about the position; he imagined his blood flowing unrestricted throughout his body.

Victoria had moved to the sofa and was talking. "Sometimes I have to send family members away," she said. "I made one husband go to the neighbor's house because the poor mother couldn't relax with all his worrying."

"I would find it hard to do what you do and not get involved," said Olivia. "I mean, you are right in the middle of the most important experience a couple goes through."

Victoria looked down at her nails. "I do get involved, even when I tell myself not to, for professional reasons. The thing is, I want every baby to get the best start it can in life, and to me that means the baby has to come out of the mother the proper way."

"Yes, you are so right," said Jade.

After a few moments, the voices became a blur to David. Olivia sat on the floor near his feet. Jade knelt next to him. Angela leaned back in a low armchair with pillows stuffed behind her. All three of them joined in this running conversation with Victoria about birthing experiences. He fully expected to be asleep within moments, but instead he fell into an odd state of being awake and very relaxed. He tried to remember the last time he had felt such relaxation. It had been a while. He knew it partly had to do with Tony.

Tony started walking relatively late, which was a blessing, as it turned out. Because once he started he could not be stopped. The boy was incapable of sitting still for more than ten seconds. He was either sleeping or in motion. Now, at three, he moved faster. But, thankfully, he could sit still for longer periods, especially when being read to. David had found that, in Tony's presence, he could not think clearly about anything that didn't have to do with Tony's immediate needs. Tony had a way of demanding undivided attention. If David tried to read the newspaper it would be pulled out of his hands. If David tried to make a phone call, Tony would engineer a perfectly-timed noisy distraction that would make talking impossible. David sometimes worked later at the office because he couldn't handle being at home. Of course, he didn't tell that to Angela.

Amazingly, Angela could function no matter what kind of distraction Tony created. David remembered a scene he had witnessed in a coffee shop. Angela was already there with Tony and two other moms and their babies and toddlers. David had gone to the hardware store first and arrived later to join them. As he stood in line for coffee he watched Tony and another two-year-old squirm on their mother's laps while trying to grab pieces of muffin to throw on the floor and at each other. Meanwhile, an infant in a high chair shrieked and tore a paper napkin into pieces. One of the moms nursed an infant under her blouse. Through this, the women had a conversation that covered music lessons, preschools, treatments for ear infections, children's books and their husbands' work hours. They executed a very precise choreography of talking and listening while taking this or that object out of a child's hands or wiping a nose, or lifting a child from one knee to another. David sat down with them but could think of nothing but the mayhem at the table.

"Oh my," Angela blurted out. David's thoughts zoomed back to the present moment. He turned his head and saw Angela lean forward and grip her stomach. She let out a sustained cry, then collapsed back in the chair, inhaling and exhaling until the contraction passed. They all waited breathlessly. Angela said, "Thank you," looking at all of them, but mostly looking at David.

Not much was said. Jade had been right: David could now feel the absence of tension in the room. How did she know? How did she walk into a household for the first time and detect tension? Seven minutes later Angela had another major contraction. David could see the pain in her face. "Whew. She's making up for lost time."

"Why do you keep saying she when you've been saying he for months?" asked David, now sitting up on the yoga mat.

"I don't know. It doesn't mean anything. I say whatever comes to mind."

"It's better not to know the sex of the baby," said Jade. "Then you create expectations that the baby must grow up with."

Angela brightened. "That's a wonderful observation. I've avoided learning the sex ahead of time because I didn't trust the ultrasound. But even when it's right, I can see now that if you know the sex you might spend months dreaming of your child's life in a very specific way and imagining him or her growing up according to your plans."

"I have noticed in America that people don't like surprises," said Jade. "They want everything predicted and calculated and worked out like an engineering plan."

Angela cleared her throat and looked at David. "Speaking of engineering mentalities."

"Well, uh, there are certain activities that require careful planning and execution," said David, knowing he would not win any converts in this group.

"But, as we are learning, getting pregnant, giving birth and raising a child are not those kinds of activities," said Angela.

David groaned. "Tell me about it."

"I have a theory that babies develop a different part of your personality," said Victoria. "And for husbands this can be dramatic."

David thought, a better word would be traumatic. But he didn't say anything. He could see the other women leaning forward, eager to share in her wisdom. He had always noticed that women were better listeners than men. They actually listened.

"Children force you to give up control," said Victoria. "I love the phrase 'herding cats' because that's what it's like. Of course, you're the parent, so you're ultimately in charge. But, on a minute by minute basis, you are not really in charge. Even when the baby is in the womb it dictates your life to a certain degree. I believe women are comfortable with letting go, and giving up control. Men hate it, at least that's my observation."

All eyes turned to David. "I must confess that I can't function in a situation that I perceive to be chaotic and out of control, which is usually the case when you have one or two infants and toddlers around."

Angela gripped her stomach again. "Oh, brother. Ouch." She took a breath. They waited. "How long has it been?" she asked.

"Another seven minutes," said David. "You have a pattern going."

"A pattern of pain."

"Ah, I hope you all see there is some engineering in this after all," said David.

"It's an illusion," said Olivia. "The clock can't tell us when the next contraction will be or how long until the baby is born."

"That's what I mean," said Victoria. "Husbands always want these things to proceed according to a plan. Like somebody's in charge."

"Only God is in charge," said Jade. "And she's not telling."

The women had a good laugh, but Angela winced. "It hurts too much to laugh."